I’ve got a disease. A sickness. If you have a Netflix Watch Instantly subscription, you probably have it, too. I call it NNDS, or, Netflix Non-Decisiveness Syndrome. It’s a horrible affliction; a relative of such other awful illnesses like Overwhelming Video Store Disease, Too Many Channels Syndrome and Sizeable DVD Shelf Disease. All of these are the same. You’re presented with with a large, but nonetheless limited set of options. You can watch anything you’ve got in front of you, but how to decide?
It’s a serious problem. We need help. Netflix has thousands of movies and TV episodes, all right there, available to stream with the click of a button. It’s a fucking disaster. A ‘first world problem’ of epic proportions. Who on Earth came up with an idea so dastardly as to give people so many options? Don’t they know that human beings are not built to make these kinds of decisions?
So, maybe you have Netflix but don’t believe you have NNDS. Well, you do, but it might help to list the most common symptoms:
- Scrolling through Netflix’s impossible-to-navigate lists for 30 minutes or more before settling on something.
- Spending more than 30 minutes on the aforementioned activity, but never settling something.
- Realizing you have a repetitive stress injury from constantly going back and forth on different movie/TV options.
- Creeping depression at the thought of your mental state while reading the description of Cube 2: Hypercube for the third time.
- Crippling agony and anger with the nature of the Universe and existence.
- Self-loathing at the fact that you’re watching a crappy movie you already own on DVD instead of something new and more interesting.
- Thoughts of suicide when you stumble on a section of films called “Dark and Gritty Foreign Romantic High School Comedy Action Films”
If you have suffered from any of these symptoms while surfing the Netflix catalog, please, try to overcome. Unfortunately, it’s a disease with no known cure.
Stay strong, my friends. Stay strong.